Conversation Starters

How to start a conversation

Their feed looks picture-perfect.

They say they’re fine.

But you can see through the filter.

Talking to a friend

It can be uncomfortable to talk to a friend about their drug use or mental health but being there for them, and showing that you care, can make all the difference.

Get ready

It’s normal to feel anxious or scared about how the talk will go. While you can’t control how your friend will react, there are some things you can do ahead of time to make the conversation easier for both of you.

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  Think about what you want to say. Creating a game plan will help you feel more confident in the moment. Write down what you want to say and consider practicing by saying it out loud a few times.

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  Do an activity together. Having a shared activity can help both of you feel more relaxed while you talk. This could be playing a sport, gaming, taking a walk or drive, even getting a bite to eat.

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  Go slow. Remember that you don’t have to have the entire conversation at once. It’s okay to take it slow and even take breaks if you need them.

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  Be proud of yourself! It takes courage to be the one to start the conversation. No matter what happens, take pride in showing your friend that you care.

Break the ice

Sometimes starting the conversation can be the hardest part. Here are a few ways to get started:

Get more tips to start the conversation:

• Worried About Your Friend? (conversation starters) (SAMHSA)

Have the talk

Once you start the conversation, let your friend take the lead if they’re willing to share. Try to listen without judgment. Even if you don’t have a solution to their problems, being empathetic and letting them see that they can ask for support is often enough.

If the conversation doesn’t go how you planned, you may feel disappointed and even frustrated. It doesn’t mean you did anything wrong or that you shouldn’t have tried. Remember, you can always try again.

It’s important to remember that you don’t need to have the solution if a friend tells you they are struggling with their mental health or substance use. They need your emotional support, but you can also be prepared with ways to help direct them to a trusted adult or resources to get the help they need.

Here are a few ways you can pivot a conversation to help a friend find a possible solution:

• Sounds like you are really struggling. Have you talked to your parent(s) about this?
• Is there someone (mention a trusted adult such as a coach, teacher, or school counselor) that you feel safe talking to? I think that it may help.
• Have you thought about contacting 988 to get connected to local help?

Keep it going

When you finish talking, remind your friend that this doesn’t have to be a one-time conversation. You can plan a time later to check in and see how things are going.

If your friend is open to getting more help, you can share resources like the ones below or help them reach out to a trusted adult like a parent, teacher, counselor, or coach.

988 Lifeline

Get Smart About Drugs, DEA

Find Treatment